"How to Get Clients"

By Jeff Slutsky & Marc Slutsky

 

 

~ A Book Review ~

 

(Warning:  This book makes attorneys dumber after reading it!)

 

Always having to justify my youthful appearance to clients... was something that used to bother me. After all, for a long time... I looked about 14 years old.  With my baby face... and my paltry 5'7" height...  I simply did not look like a lawyer.

 

Too bad Asian people look like nubile children until the age of 39, at which time they immediately transform into wrinkly Methuselah-looking raisins.

 

Anyways, I was mildly amused when I ran across this book, "How to Get Clients."  I remember standing in the bookstore, thumbing through this little book... and right on page 44, I read:

 

 

...I was quite proud to have come as far as I had considering how young I was, and I responded without hesitation, "I'm twenty-three."

 

The man almost had a coronary on the spot.  Here he had entrusted his multimillion-dollar operation to a mere child, and within a week, I lost my biggest account... I had lost a client, not because I didn't do my job right, but because I was too young...

 

...And thus started a campaign to make Jeff look older...

 

...I started looking around for a car that said, "You have to be forty years old to drive me."  I found a brand-new Oldsmobile 98 regency.  Instant credibility.   This car was huge.  I think it slept twelve...

 

...I even had gray put into my hair just around the temples.  I know it was extreme, but I was desperate.  In fact, I happened to be at a party attended by a good friend of the family's, a well-known plastic surgeon.  I went up to him and asked, "Doc, how much would it cost for a face-drop?"

 

 

Just so you know, I was thinking of buying "Just for Men" earlier that day.  (Silver color.)

 

So, finding the book mildly entertaining, I immediately bought the book.

 

"Hey, Where's the Part That
Tells Me How to Get Clients?"

 

The very first page of the book features praise for the book.  Here's some quotes:

 

"Slutsky's low-cost gimmicks help drum up business."

-- USA Today

 

"A 'Mercantile Marauder' who uses his wits to give small business an edge."

-- Chicago Tribune

 

"Slutsky blends chutzpah and imagination into tough publicity campaigns for small businesses."

-- Chicago Sun-Times

 

After reading these quotes... I was pumped!

 

Unfortunately, the rest of book fell flat on its face.  Bland advice, stated blandly.  Here's some of the Greatest Hits in the book:

 

•  "Credentials are an important part of establishing your credibility."  (Hmmm... I just knew that passing the bar was for something!)

 

•  "The very first step in getting clients is to decide which clients you want to get."  (Um, no kidding!)

 

•  "Some clients talk a big game and waste your time."  (Is this the best you can do, Slutsky?)

 

I'm sorry to say that I learned nothing new in this book.  In fact, I would say that reading this book makes you dumber.

 

In all fairness, I have heard that the other Slutsky books are MUCH better, but I haven't had a chance to look at them yet.

 

I'm too busy touching up the gray spots in my hair.